halfmom's Xanga

Blog Consolidation

Sat, 01 Aug 2009 16:32:04 GMT

You can find me at http://halfmom.blogspot.com/

Moving On

Thu, 07 Feb 2008 04:16:15 GMT

This is probably my last post here for a while. I know some of you are still reading, just not commenting, whereas there are often quite a few comments on the blogspot version of this blog. Please go to http://susanakahalfmom.blogspot.com/ to see new posts. You can leave comments here if you want or you can comment on blogspot anonomously too. Just sign your name so I know who you are. Thanks - it's been a good three years over here!

In Memoriam

Sort of a strange post, but it seems fitting since I am sitting here missing my dog Cookie. She died Monday evening at almost 16 years old. Really, she was Olivia's dog, sweet, loyal, neurotic. She was mortally afraid of thunderstorms and would dig her way out of the backyard to escape. We were building a relationship with the people at the pound because she'd been picked up so many times - too old and senile to figure out how to get back to her own house once she had escaped.

The house seems empty without her energy, happy little wagging tail when we came in at night - or when she was ready to eat in the morning. Even though she had slowed down quite a lot over the last year or so, she still came out to say hello when she heard us. And there she was, waiting by the door like ususal, just not breathing anymore.

All of life ends, some times tragically, sometimes not. But it always ends in death. May I be found waiting faithfully for my loved ones to come home.

For Maalie

Tue, 15 Jan 2008 02:37:14 GMT

Once upon a time, quite a while ago, I actually composed a thoughtful post. Maalie made an equally thoughtful comment on a comment (see response to ESI) and requested clarification of my statement, “my whole point is that it all starts in the heart”.

You just have to love another scientist who leaves you the following comment, “The heart is a pump that circulates blood. I am not aware of any other function.” Indeed, his statement is factual to the core, testable and verifiable and shows that he is a scientist indeed!!!

Yet, this is not the only way that the Hebrew mind thought of the heart. To them, in both the writings of the Old and New Testaments, the heart referred to the seat of both physical and spiritual life. It represented the innermost being of a man, his emotions and his intellect, the things that make up the soul and make him unique among other men.

While this may seem a bit far-fetched and fanciful, something that a scientist might ignore as poetic language, it actually seems quite logical to me when I consider the role that blood, and therefore the heart, plays in the body. Physically, it is essential for all aspects of our lives, for without blood, not only does the body die, but also the soul as well since it looses its place of habitation. Without blood I am nothing because I am now no one.

Spiritually, blood was required for the covering of sin. While this notion of the redemptive power of blood is expressed for me most clearly in the book of Hebrews (9:22b), “without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness of sin”, it was instituted early in the Old Testament when God dealt with a result of the first sin, Adam and Eve’s awareness of their nakedness. He did not speak clothing into being as He did the rest of creation; He shed blood by killing an animal to cover them in its skin. Thereafter blood covenants were irrevocable. It is in this light that Jesus speaks of His own blood as being poured out to seal a new and better blood covenant to replace the old, providing for permanent forgiveness of sin (Matthew 26:28).

So yes Maalie, even as a scientist, the heart is more to me than just an organ that pumps blood. It provides for my very life, not just for my body, but also my soul; it allows the uniqueness of Susan to be expressed. And it is in the context of this soul, this source of my emotions, desires, passions - my intellect, my ability to understand, reason and choose – that I spoke when I said that all sin begins in my heart.

Home From the Holidays

Sat, 05 Jan 2008 15:46:03 GMT

I love the solitude and coziness of my study, especially on Saturday mornings. I'm particularly grateful to be here this morning as here is the place where I am most truly "at home", away from the externals of my life.

The holidays, though lovely, are done (yes, at some point, there will be pictures). A stressful grant deadline was met last night and now I am free, for the moment, to enjoy the solitude of my study and a huge mug of hot British tea (so says the box), complete with milk! Here, I can pick up my laptop, thanks to wireless! Here, I can pick up my Bible, read, study and write and in doing so, am most truly Susan.

Obsession, Part IV - on Addiction

Sat, 17 Nov 2007 05:41:31 GMT

I highly recommend, “Addictions: Banquet in the Grave”, by Ed Welch because it deals with the theology underlying addictions. The author states quite bluntly that all addictions are idolatry based, that they are a worship disorder. Idols start out serving us as a means to an end, but cruelly, in the end, we are forced to serve the idol and this slavery is what defines an addiction.

His theology is helpful in the same way Tozer’s is when he says that all sin has the same root, the self-life. Clearly, not all sin leads to addiction though; there must be some interplay of physiological or psychological (or both) responses with sin that differs from person to person due to our individual makeup They become, the sin and the response, irrevocably intertwined, controllable perhaps but not revocable except, of course, by the power of the Holy Spirit. Sins, such as these that are tied to our physical or emotional responses eventually reach the point where they interfere with day-to-day function and have substantial and recognizable consequences; self can no longer keep it hidden away or under control and human judgment results – the idol is now fully in control – and we recognize it as addiction.

I seem drawn to people with addictions or perhaps they are drawn to me. As an exhorter, it is always my desire to help, to turn people towards Christ and the real and practical help He has to offer. But sometimes, I can get in God’s way; my very presence may provide a response similar to the addictive behavior, negating the pressure the Holy Spirit is heaping on, preventing the person from turning to Him. I think of it rather like the pressure regulator on top of a pressure cooker. Relieving too much pressure prevents what’s inside from getting properly cooked; i.e., the Holy Spirit is prevented from doing His work. The surgery or healing or transformation that was intended when the pressure was initiated never results. This make sense to me too in terms of the number of things that people can be addicted to like relationships, shopping, alcohol, food, sex and power because we’re all made up differently and therefore different things relieve the pressure we feel. So, in my mind, anything that relieves the pressure that the Holy Spirit is putting on is, by definition, sin.

More later.....

Haircuts make life better!

Mon, 12 Nov 2007 04:00:46 GMT

Just a fun picture of a poor little sick little girl trying to have a good attitude (her students graciously shared the newest virus in Chicago) while working hard at being a grown up - sometimes, when she's not sure which end is up, she calls herself a pseudo-adult. I'm afraid that, even at 30 years older, I frequently feel like a psuedo-adult!

This is her mean face for when the students are messing around in the classroom and should stop IMMEDIATELY!

Branches

Thu, 08 Nov 2007 12:28:56 GMT

"If our life with Christ be right, all will come right."

Andrew Murray's Absolute Surrender

Assimilation

Thu, 01 Nov 2007 13:31:20 GMT

I have been listening to Tozer’s God’s Pursuit of Man in the car on CD and reading Andrew Murray’s Absolute Surrender. These, along with general Bible reading and BSF homework, struggle alongside each other for assimilated in my head and heart.

I think I am an assimilator by nature. Webster’s definition of assimilation states, “the incorporation or conversion of nutrients into protoplasm that in animals follows digestion and absorption”. All that I take in, whether science or scripture or just observations from interactions with people around me, I take in as data points, as nutrients, through some ambiguous process called intuition. And truthfully, for better or worse, the data come in pretty indiscriminately (but that is a story for a different day).

In most cases, I don’t actively process this data; it just sits around somewhere between my mind and my soul and processes itself. I’m never quite sure how or when it will pop back out, or in what form, but it surely will and usually at some strange time or place, perhaps even in my dreams. In fact, I cannot stop the process very often; my mind goes full throttle 24/7.

I have always been rather intrigued by the notion of the Borg on Star Trek. To quote Wikipedia, the source of great knowledge, “they are characterized by relentless pursuit of targets for assimilation, their collective consciousness that enables rapid defensive adaptability to almost any offence, and the ability to continue functioning properly despite seemingly devastating blows”. I am characterized by a relentless pursuit of truth, for myself individually and corporately as a member of the body of Christ; we need it; we need to know how to apply it because only then can we fight the enemy and stand despite seemingly devastating blows.

Sometimes, as of late, the thoughts swirl around in my mind and get muddled all together so that I cannot remember what originated from which source, or perhaps the thought is a combination of several. It seems that this might be rather like mixing all the colors in your palette together, yielding a nasty brownish-black (yes, clearly I’ve tried it before – I do have somewhat of an artistic side). But, for me, these months of reading, praying and thinking have been more of a mixing together of red and blue to yield a brilliant, royal purple. As “old” thoughts from these men blend with thoughts about the even older Phil 2:12-13, my own and others such as ESI’s post about Demas, they form a rich new color that is brought to life by the Holy Spirit. It energizes my heart and restores my soul. While it gives meaning to my struggle against sin, it is far more about God’s pursuit of me and my need to see who I am and bow – fall – crumble, before the foot of the cross making myself an empty vessel and receiving that which He has been desiring all along to give me, Himself. Come Lord Jesus; come!

Guess who caught the bouquet this weekend?

Mon, 29 Oct 2007 01:45:58 GMT

Just for fun

Mon, 29 Oct 2007 01:34:45 GMT

My daughter's first day of school as a 5th grade teacher.

Note the fact that the house lights are still on across the street.

It's because it 5:45am!!